I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
