i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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