I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
