We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize