OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
