You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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