I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize