if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
