I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
