I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
