Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
