Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
