You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
