does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
