Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
