I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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