omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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