Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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