What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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