i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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