Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
