Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
