If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
