I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
