Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
