I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
