Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
