I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
