If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
