So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
