I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
