im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
