haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When are your genitals available?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
