Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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