So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
