I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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