You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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