weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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