my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
