i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
