wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
