Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize