Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
