Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize
