Plan B is the new Plan A
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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