Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
