I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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