hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
