After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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