Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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