If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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