I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so let's talk penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
