dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
