i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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