I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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