nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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