Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
