I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
