Duck Duck Cougar?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
