New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
