Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
