I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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