i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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