we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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