so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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