I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize