we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
