I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
