I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
