I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
vagina is talking i cant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
