If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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